Monday, February 27, 2006


There is a girl who is a music major at my school, who is in all of the same choirs with me, who has suffered from vocal nodes since last semester. Because of this, she has not been able to sing this entire school year. She has been going to Vanderbildt for speech therapy, in hopes that they can help her, and that she can eventually fully recover and be able to sing again. Through countless visits, training, and no improvement, she was told that it is best for her not to even try to sing for a long time. Today, she got up in front of choir, and told us that she was dropping from all of the choirs. She tried not to cry, but the tears came anyway. Anyone could see how much she loved singing, and how much this hurt for her to do.

I think about how awful this is for her. This is something that she has done her entire life, and now she just has to quit. I think about this, and it really hits close to home for me. This is the very effect that could have happened to me last year, after my two surgeries. I think about the times soon after them that I tried to sing, and absolutely nothing would come out. I think about the times that I would sit at the piano and cry, because I could not sing along with the song I was playing. I think about how singing is the way that I worship God best, and that could have been taken away from me. I knew that my health came first, and the cancer had to be removed from me, but soon after, I felt a twinge of regret within me. I regretted finding the lump in my neck, I regretted getting it checked out, I regretted going back to the doctor right before I went back to school last spring, which is the reason we found out. I had just wished it all away, even though I knew something was wrong, I was not feeling well at all, and I could not just leave this alone. I regretted all of this because my 2nd love was gone....singing. Think about if I would have just left it alone. I would have been off a lot worse, and I probably wouldn't have had surgery...instead, lots of doses of chemotherapy from it spreading everywhere.

I realize that this is the path that God gave me. This testimony that I have now is incredible. Not only am I cancer-free, but I have rebuilt my voice pretty much back to where it was, besides the endurance. It is so much more to me now. It is a gift that I can still worship God in this way; it is a gift that I need to share with others, and it is something that I am called to do. I don't know how I'm going to be used, but I just want to do God's work...whatever that may be.

I think about this poor girl though....and where she is right now, and the fact that I can relate with her. I feel like it's not fair that I am able to sing and she is not. I feel like I can't even rejoice in the fact that I can. It's almost a hindrance to me. If you think about her, please pray for her. Her life is Job 1:21 right now: "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away; may the name of the Lord be praised."
That is such a difficult thing to do in trials.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

It's my blog, I can vent if I want to...

A Vent:

28 Recitals this semester that I must attend. 28. Usually it's 19-20, but 28? I know that most music majors would be excited for the chance to go to this many, but I'm not a real one!!** I want to be able to work, spend time with my friends, and have time for homework for crying out loud! If that's not enough, my voice teacher scheduled studio classes for those in his voice studio that we must attend on Some Monday nights. No other voice teacher does this, and now, I have to give up Monday nights of work, because I am *supposedly* supposed to live and breathe music, and that's *supposed* to take over my full concentration. I am in 3 choirs, and we travel often to perform. I already knew that, but I didn't know that all this was going to be required of me this semester. Oh well...
"That's life, that's what all the people say..."-Frank Sinatra.

The reason I say that I'm not a "real" music major, is because I am not a primarily classical music person. I do love it, but when I get out of college, I will probably never sing classical music again. I don't get music jokes, and I don't think they're funny. Therefore, I'm not a "real" music major.