Great is thy faithfulness...

What is a blog?
Is it something that is kept up with by sharing thoughts, ideas, or just what is on one's mind? Well, I can tell you that it is something that I have not kept up with so I do not even know if this is worthy enough to be called a blog. I have said this several times (if you scroll through and look at previous posts, posted few and far between) that I would actually like to write more in this. I am trying to become a more disciplined person, so this would be good practice for me. Even if it is just writing a sentence or two every day or so, that would be more discipline than I have shown in blogging thus far. Actually, in the past I blogged much more. You can check out my very old blogs by clicking on the links below.
http://bloomiebiscuit.easyjournal.com/
http://shaundrajonanda.livejournal.com/
Life seems to be flying by. Where did September go, and how are we already passed mid-October? It is great being home, as it is the first Michigan fall I've seen in 5 years. I can't really constitute this as an authentic Michigan fall because of how warm it has been. I feel like I have brought the Tennessee fall home with me! It has been great spending time with family, constant friends that have been in my life, and Mark. I am so blessed to have so many loving relationships in my life.

This time in my life is a very awkward time. I had lunch with Marianne and my sister yesterday, and I was telling them how I just don't fit in anywhere right now. I have no title as I once did as a high school or college student. I am not married nor do I have any children. I do not have the job that I went to school for, and thus am working at a few different places for now. I just don't fit in any catergory. I know that this happens to many college alumns. It is good for me to find my identity in other places-not in a title. I just need prayer right now. I need to be content with where I am, but not content enough to stop looking for what I want. I need to know that the things I am involved in right now are still shaping me towards the future and what God has for me. Most importantly, I must realize that even now I am doing God's work, even if it is not what I envisioned. He is faithful...I definately know that.

"For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus."
-Phil 1:5, NASB

Home.

I am now home from college after obtaining my bachelor degree and trying to find the path that God has for me. It is difficult venturing towards the unknown, but I will use this description that I keep in the files of my mind; it's like I have a blindfold on that will remain until I am ready to see what is beyond it. The clincher is this: God has my hand. No matter what is in front of me, around me, or in my past, God has been, is, and will be with me through my life. That is a very comforting feeling and realization.

Something that is difficult to believe is how the last five years of my life flew by. I started that journey with different dreams than I have now. The way my life is turning out is vastly different from what I always thought it would be. I always pictured myself as someone who would never settle down, but instead would travel and perform. I did not think that I would end up in West Michigan or anywhere really. I did not see myself as conventional or traditional but rather someone who was always looking for something new.

Now I dream of the conventional life, settling down, getting married, having children (eventually), and living close to the ones that I love and who have seen me through everything. Some people can live their lives in such a way where they never make roots. I want the roots that I have to grow. I guess in these last five years I have grown up some. I am the same person seeing life through eyes with much more life experience. I have been through much more, been given more responsibilities, learned how to budget better (thanks Mark), learned better time management, learned how to better prioritize, and more. I love making lists and checking things off of them; I actually get joy out of this. The big check that I cannot cross of my list is my finding a job in my field of study. This may remain on my list for a while, which I know is common. The inner part of me feels like I have failed myself, but at the same time, I know that I cannot rush where God wants me to be, especially if I or the place is not ready yet.

This is the prayer that I have for my life each day:
My purpose is to glorify God by drawing nearer to him each day, seeking out his will, having faith in the unknown, and trusting his plan for my life- even when times are difficult.
The truth is that God is the only one that will never let me down because his will is perfect. If I trust in him, I can say that I am putting my trust in everything.

God has given me so much to be thankful for; so in him, I give thanks.

Our fallenness...

One way for me to blog more often is to copy what I am writing in class. I am taking a Johannine Literature class, and I love it! I have to write papers for mostly every class on my reading, and from time to time will post them on here. It has only been a week and a half since I started this class, but it has been such an encouragement to me already, and it is helping me to re-evaluate my own life; it is showing me where I am not putting God first in my life. What I wrote below is taken from 1 John 2:3-27.

"This is how we know we are in Him!"
1 John 2:3-27 is a passage which includes much encouragement to those who are believers of God, but is also one that includes a warning about those who are "antichrists." John drives the point home that we know God by keeping his commands. He elaborates on this much, and really wants the audience to understand this. Because we believe in God, we are changed; on the inside and outside. If there is no change in our lives, we were probably never believers in the first place. This is very important; we often fall and mess up in our lives, but when we do it over and over again, our motives are questioned. This is accented in verse 4, in which those who constantly are disobedient are called liars, and the truth is not in them. John is reminded the children of God of this, and how we are to constantly re-evaluate ourselves; making sure that we are living in God. When we keep God's commands, His love is completed in us!
One of the things that really struck me about this passage is how much our lives should be changed when God enters in. John is writing to a group of people who, as he encourages in verse 21, know the truth. He wanted them to be aware of themselves, but he was more concerned with them being aware of those who have gone out and denounced God. These are the people who walked in the same circles as them, but they did not really know God, the truth, or His fellowship. John was encouraging them for their persistence and standing firm in their faith, and he wanted them to continue with this. If they know the truth, why did he drive this point home so far? He did this because people are born with a sinful nature and can become tempted and fall very easily. He wanted those who knew the truth to continue living for God, and to be constantly aware of the change that has occurred in their lives. He did not want them to be content, but always seeking God and trying to become more like Him. Once we become content with ourselves, and think we are good enough, that is when it is easiest to fall.

"Any love that we have in God must find its origin in Him" -Daniel Akin

Question: Do we make the connection with the fact that loving God is not just a feeling or a spiritual thing; it is demonstrated by our actions? Have we forgotten that God demonstrated his love for us by sending His only son to become sin for us? I really think that is what John was trying to emphasize this as well. We want to know God, abide in God, and have fellowship with Him. We cannot even experience the fellowship and love of God without knowing Christ first! Believing in Christ is not just something we do on Sundays; it is loving God by keeping his commands daily. Love is an action word. Loving God is a testimony; if we are not following His commands daily, we are not showing Him our love, and thus, we were probably never believers in the first place.

Making a post so they don't cancel my account due to lack of use...

Well, I have not posted on here in some time, so I will update you all (if there's anyone left) on a few things.

The thing that lays on my mind constantly is the fact that my senior voice recital is in 24 days. It is coming up very quickly, and I am really excited and nervous about it. My family and Mark are all coming down, and they will finally see where I've been hiding all of these years. My hearing for my recital (where I sing in front of all of the music profs. to make sure that I'm ready) is a week from Thursday, and I have 3 new songs to learn and memorize before then. They are pretty easy, so it won't be too bad.

Today is 1 year since Mark and I started dating. It is interesting to me that before we dated, I couldn't imagine being in a relationship for a month, let alone a year. I have grown so much since dating him, learned a lot about myself (strengths and weaknesses), and God has shown me how blessed I really am. This happiness can only come from God and I really don't deserve it, but I am thankful.

I am getting ready to graduate this year! I have a lot to accomplish this year. I am taking 17 hours both semesters, testing out of 4 classes, and I keep busy with being an RA and working at Red Lobster. Being a music major also takes a lot of my time, but I know that I can get everything done, because God has given me so much strength so far. I know He will be with me as I continue forth and finish up. Then...who knows...

Speaking of being an RA, I absolutely love it! This is my first year (and last) doing this. I have 30 freshman, 12 upperclassmen, and 2 transfers in my building. I hope to become close to these girls and make it a ministry opportunity. God has grown me through this already, having to deal with things that I'm not very comfortable with, but it is good for me to get out of my comfort zone.

Well, that's it for now. Holla.

THUMBS UP THURSDAY!!!

Well, This is my first week doing "Thumbs Up Thursday." I'm pretty confident in the picture that I found. Let me know what you think!

Prayer

There is a girl who is a music major at my school, who is in all of the same choirs with me, who has suffered from vocal nodes since last semester. Because of this, she has not been able to sing this entire school year. She has been going to Vanderbildt for speech therapy, in hopes that they can help her, and that she can eventually fully recover and be able to sing again. Through countless visits, training, and no improvement, she was told that it is best for her not to even try to sing for a long time. Today, she got up in front of choir, and told us that she was dropping from all of the choirs. She tried not to cry, but the tears came anyway. Anyone could see how much she loved singing, and how much this hurt for her to do.

I think about how awful this is for her. This is something that she has done her entire life, and now she just has to quit. I think about this, and it really hits close to home for me. This is the very effect that could have happened to me last year, after my two surgeries. I think about the times soon after them that I tried to sing, and absolutely nothing would come out. I think about the times that I would sit at the piano and cry, because I could not sing along with the song I was playing. I think about how singing is the way that I worship God best, and that could have been taken away from me. I knew that my health came first, and the cancer had to be removed from me, but soon after, I felt a twinge of regret within me. I regretted finding the lump in my neck, I regretted getting it checked out, I regretted going back to the doctor right before I went back to school last spring, which is the reason we found out. I had just wished it all away, even though I knew something was wrong, I was not feeling well at all, and I could not just leave this alone. I regretted all of this because my 2nd love was gone....singing. Think about if I would have just left it alone. I would have been off a lot worse, and I probably wouldn't have had surgery...instead, lots of doses of chemotherapy from it spreading everywhere.

I realize that this is the path that God gave me. This testimony that I have now is incredible. Not only am I cancer-free, but I have rebuilt my voice pretty much back to where it was, besides the endurance. It is so much more to me now. It is a gift that I can still worship God in this way; it is a gift that I need to share with others, and it is something that I am called to do. I don't know how I'm going to be used, but I just want to do God's work...whatever that may be.

I think about this poor girl though....and where she is right now, and the fact that I can relate with her. I feel like it's not fair that I am able to sing and she is not. I feel like I can't even rejoice in the fact that I can. It's almost a hindrance to me. If you think about her, please pray for her. Her life is Job 1:21 right now: "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away; may the name of the Lord be praised."
That is such a difficult thing to do in trials.

It's my blog, I can vent if I want to...

A Vent:

28 Recitals this semester that I must attend. 28. Usually it's 19-20, but 28? I know that most music majors would be excited for the chance to go to this many, but I'm not a real one!!** I want to be able to work, spend time with my friends, and have time for homework for crying out loud! If that's not enough, my voice teacher scheduled studio classes for those in his voice studio that we must attend on Some Monday nights. No other voice teacher does this, and now, I have to give up Monday nights of work, because I am *supposedly* supposed to live and breathe music, and that's *supposed* to take over my full concentration. I am in 3 choirs, and we travel often to perform. I already knew that, but I didn't know that all this was going to be required of me this semester. Oh well...
"That's life, that's what all the people say..."-Frank Sinatra.

**Disclaimer**
The reason I say that I'm not a "real" music major, is because I am not a primarily classical music person. I do love it, but when I get out of college, I will probably never sing classical music again. I don't get music jokes, and I don't think they're funny. Therefore, I'm not a "real" music major.

You Alone

You are the only one I need
I bow all of me at your feet
I worship you alone

You have given me more
than I could ever have wanted
And I want to give you my heart and my soul

You alone are father
You alone are good
You alone are Savior
You alone are God

We sang this song at church this past Sunday. While we were singing it, I couldn't help but think about how this outlines the sovereignty of God.

He alone is our father-we need him, and he takes care of us.
He alone is good-there is no good without him..we are not "good people"
He alone is our Savior-because of His sacrifice, we have life
He alone is God-the one whom we are not worthy of, but the one who deserves our praise, our lives, and so much more.

Because of all this, He is the only one we need. We should be bowing down our lives at His feet, not just part of our lives, but the whole. He does not have to be our father, or our Savior, he does not have to be good to us and offer us a life with him. He has given us so much more than we deserve, and because of this, no other should be above Him; therefore, we worship Him alone.

The hard part is giving him my heart and soul---wholly. There are things in my life that are hard to give up sometimes, and in the back of my mind, I know I should, but it requires a lot of me. It is growing closer to God, and knowing that He will fulfill that part of my life with Him, in replacement of what was there. That is the sovereignty of God---giving my life to Him, because he is supreem and worthy of it, and deserves nothing less.

A long, needed update

Ok, so as you have all observed (if there are any of you left out there), I have not updated in such a long time, and my consistancy has been TERRIBLE. Hopefully I still have those of you out there who at least check to see if I've updated...well, here you go!

Things have been going really well here. I have been thinking about this semester lately, and this is kind of humorous. I have never wanted a semester to start more than this one, and I have never wanted a semester to end more than this one. I wanted it to start so badly because I missed it so much when I was out this past spring. I was ready to get back in the swing of things, get back on track to *eventually* graduate, see my friends, become more educated...I was longing for that. It's so weird what one semester away can do. I missed so much last semester. When people talk about things that happen, the inside jokes, all that--they assume I know about them, then they slowly realize that I wasn't here. Then I make some joke about how I couldn't be here because I had cancer...GOSH!! Obviously, I had no choice in the matter of being at school, but there's so much I missed, and sometimes I feel segregated because of the times, experiences, laughs...that I missed. With all that, I was ready to get back, to see my friends..and I'm so glad that I did.

NOW....I am ready for this semester to be OVER!!! Don't get me wrong-I love being here, living amongst college students, having that FREEDOM of coming and going whenever, not having to check in, knowing that the choices that I make will be good even though I may be out late...It's nice. But, this is the HARDEST semester that I have ever had. My workload is much. I live in the library, the Christian studies department, and the music department. I have enjoyed getting into my Christian studies courses, because I have learned so many valuable and applicable things in them. I need rest though. I need time away, to get on track. I started the semester trying to stay ahead, and now I cannot get caught up, it seems. When I came back after Thanksgiving break, I felt very rested. I walked into a voice lesson without warming up (which is bad...I usually need AT LEAST a 15 minute warm-up, especially since my surgeries) and my voice responded instantly. I didn't sing at all while I was home. I gave my voice a break, and it was very worthwhile. Sometimes when we step away from things and come back into them later, we do better than if we were to constantly be at it, practicing, reviewing...what have you. Plus, I have to sing a lot in the next two weeks, so any rest I can give my voice is good.

I cannot believe that next week is the last week of classes. Although I have been wanting this semester to be over, it has flown by. Where in the world did November go? I often say that I love school, except for classes get in the way of enjoying it. That is why the first couple weeks of the semester are my favorite, because there is not much going on, and I can enjoy the company of my friends without being stressed. I love it.

Well..hopefully there's more to come. I will update amid the madness.

Meet the guy in my life...

For those of you who don't know...this is my boyfriend, Mark. This picture was actually taken 2 years ago. We were both in the wedding party, so he was my escort as we walked down the isle for Shane and Jessica's wedding. I know this isn't the best picture...our faces look pretty funny, but it's all I have for now. He is in Michigan while I'm below the mason-dixon line. He is simply amazing. It's so cool for me to think that I've known him for 8 years, and we have been friends all this time, and NOW, we are dating. I am so happy that he is in my life in this new way.

What in the world...

I have seen a lot of the Darwin icthus' lately, and frankly, it makes me sick. Not only are those who display this their cars making fun of those that are Christians, but they are also taking a symbol that is sacred and making a mockery of it.

The icthus happened back in early Christianity when it was dangerous to display faith. People drew the outline of this fish to symbolize that they were Christians, so they could quitely display their faith, and see those who also wore their faith.

I understand that people are going to believe what they want. Why do they have to make fun of what we believe? What I don't understand, is why they believe something that is so hard to believe. They think that our faith has questions...they have so many more questions in what they believe, and the more they research, the more they have to back up and change what they originally thought.

Aquinas wrote in his Summa Theologiae about "The Five Proofs of God". His first proof states that since some things move, there must be a cause to which they move other than itself. This could be one of two things: Either there is a chain that infinitely regresses, or there is an unmoved mover, one that moves everything. Since an infinite chain that goes back and back is impossible, it must be there is an original mover, and that is God.

His second proof is almost the same, except that he talks about cause. Everything is caused and there must be something uncaused that is causing them, therefore, God.

The third proof states that there are things that are contingent; they come into being and then they pass away. These things are logically contingent and not necessary. There must be something that is logically necessary and that is God.

His fourth proof talks about the different degrees of perfection found in the world. If things are thought of as more or less good, there must be a source that is the definition of perfect goodness, and this is God. How can we say some things have more good than another, if there isn't an ultimate good?

The fifth and final proof is the argument from design, often called the teological argument (from the greek telos, meaning end or goal). The universe is designed with us in mind (anthropic principle). If the earth were a little farther, we'd freeze. If the earth were a little closer, we'd die of heat. Everything is in the perfect place suitable for us to live in. This argument also goes on to say that everything works together for an ending or goal. How can things act in such awareness if they aren't drected by an intelligent being, this being God?

I love to talk about the different proofs for the existence of God. It just makes sense to me...there is a God, who created us, who still exists, who offers eternal life to us, and those who do not take this path...well, you know the answer to that.
I love getting off on tangents...

I HAVE A PLAN!!

For the first time since I have decided not to be an education minor, I have devised a plan, which may get me to have a job other than being a waitress forever. This has been on my mind for quite some time, but it has always seemed out of reach and something that I wouldn't be good at. Ok, now I know you're dying to know what it is.

I have decided to graduate from Union with a Bachelor of Music (vocal), with an emphasis in Christian Studies. You might ask, isn't this what you're already doing? Yes, but there's more. After I graduate, I will come home, and go to GVSU or something like that, and pick up a minor in Psychology, and then off to grad school to get my masters in MUSIC THERAPY!!! Now, I realize another question might spring from this. Why do I want to keep the Christian Studies emphasis? Wouldn't it just be easier to get my minor here in psychology and then head straight to grad school? Yes, that would be easier, but I feel led to keep this emphasis, and I have no idea why. I know that I will use it somewhere down the road, but for now, I'm just walking by faith. PLUS, do you want me to stay down here forever??? Psychology minors are really easy time-wise to obtain, so it won't take me long, and that will be more time for me in Skeetown!

I have felt a tug at my heart everytime I see or hear about Music Therapy. I think that this is something that I have been equipped to do. It deals with helping people, and there are many different approaches to it. I am really excited that I have made the decisions necessary for the next part of my life.

Maya he, maya who, maya ha, maya ha ha..

These are some of the members of our hurricane relief trip. We were dancing at a gas station to THE song of the trip; at least our van's song of the trip (we took 3 vans..and I was the DJ for ours, so I got shotgun the entire way!). The song is called "Maya He" or something like that, by some group in Russia. Anyway, I will update you about my trip in a more serious way sometime time this week.

In the Gulf...

I meant to write about this before I left for the rest of the week, but it has been crazy these last few days.

Yesterday, I traveled to Mobile, Alabama for the weekend to help out with hurricane relief. It is my fall break at school, and this trip was offered through Union. I had other plans, but they ended up falling through, and then this trip came about. I prayed a lot about it, and I really felt God's call for me to go.
Since conditions are bad where we are working, we are staying in Mobile, at University of Mobile, which is one of Union University's sister schools. Each day, we are traveling to the different cities to help where conditions are the worst.

There are 20 of us on this trip, and we drove straight yesterday after classes to Mobile. This morning, we went to help out the Volunteers of America. We put together care packages, in which evacuees will come on Saturday to pick up. Even though the behind-the-scenes work needs to be done, I was really ready to get out there and do some hard work. Later today, during the hottest hours, some of us did some roofing...well, we tore off the roof anyway. It was difficult, but I really loved doing it. I think I've found my new calling....lol.

Anyway, I am asking you all to pray for me during the course of this weekend. It's a strenuous trip. It's hard seeing all of these things, and know that I can only help a little. It's hard knowing how much people have suffered from this, and I want to help as much as possible. This takes energy, in which I have absolutely none. Pray that I can have the energy to help with the physical labor, as well as seeking out opportunities when coming in contact with evacuees to tell them about Christ. Thanks...I might not get the chance to update again until I get back, so I will make a big post about it.

Compliments of my sister's roommate.

This is my new hair..I haven't had bangs since I was 6!! I called my sis's roommate Jill last Sunday, very spontaneously, and asked her to cut them. It's definately different but I really like them.

Yes! I'm a form of Britney!

Which Britney Spears are you? Sweet Britney You like to be with your family as much as you can. You give money to help kids go to dance camp. No one cares about this part of your personality.

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

The honest truth..

Today we salute you, Fellow Cubs Fan.
You thought you could cheer for the Cubs, but little did you know they would lose once again. Hoping and praying every season that they would "make it" is obviously not enough. As if 1908 was just yesterday, you believe in them. We see your hats and shirts that sport CUBS..you faith is evident. So go ahead, crack open an ice cold root beer, True-Blue-Not-a-Fairweather-Cubs-Fan. It's too bad that your team can't make it to the World Series, but we salute your faithfulness.

Do you ever just have one of those songs..?

A Paraphrase From Psalm 23, arranged by Mack Wilberg

"My Shepherd will supply my need; Jehovah is his name.
In pastures fresh he makes me feed, beide the living stream.
He brings my wandering sprirt back, when I forsake his ways,
and leads me for his mercy's sake in paths of truth and grace.

When I walk through the shades of death, thy presence is my stay;
One word of thy supporting breath drives all my fears away.
Thy hand in sight of all my foes, doth still my table spread;
My cup with blessings overflows, thine oil annoints my head.

The sure provisions of my God attend me all my days;
O may thy house be mine abode and all my work be prasie!
There would I find a settled rest while others go and come,
No more a stranger, nor a guest; but like a child at home".

This song has meant the world to me this year. We actually sang it my freshman year, and my director (Dr. Joiner...he's the greatest!) sometimes brings old songs back, and this is one of them. I did not fully understand this song my freshman year, but after everything I went through this year, I really get it. Everytime we rehearse this, I can barely get through it. Tears well up in my eyes and stream down my face, and Dr. Joiner always looks up at me for a few moments, and smiles. He knows what went on in my life this year. He called, many times, just to see how I was. He knows that this song is my prayer, my echo for what I have learned in my heart, and how true it really is. We are to sing it in chapel tomorrow morning, and I really hope it touches others how it's touched me.

While we rehearse it Dr. Joiner stops us, not because there were wrong notes or anything technical like that, but because we aren't feeling the song. He says, "With the exception of a few, you haven't suffered enough to sing this". He is so good about bringing a message or testimony when we are rehearsing, helping us keep the focus on what we're really singing about, and not just the technicalities of it.

"I'm gonna be a supermodel"

Tuesday night, at the Jackson, Tennessee Carl Perkins Civic Center, there is a Cancer Benefit Show going on. My written comp professor is actually in charge of the whole thing. She was aware of my beating cancer, and wants me to help out with the show!! Not only am I helping, but I get to be a model for it! They have a modeling section of the show, and they prefer cancer survivors to be the actual models. I am very excited!! This will be the only time in my life where I will qualify as a model...not because I look like one, but because I had cancer..lol. Looks like I will have to practice my run-way skills...haha.

"Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful."
-Hebrews 10:22-23

We serve an amazing God. One who not only allows us to come to Him, but takes us back after we mess everything up once again. May I remember that in my daily life, and not swerve in my faith, but rather, hold tight to the one who is faithful to me.

Could you put the reference back please??

A Quick Vent:

For my Intro to Bible Study class, a lot of our time is spent in the library looking in different concordances for greek-english words and a lot of other references for related things. Our professor specifically said, "make a copy of the pages you need, and then put it back".


This is for the sake of the other 29 people in the class, so that they may get the book needed and do the assignment themselves. Pretty sure everytime I tried to get the book this weekend, someone had it. FINALLY, today, the day the assignment is due, I found someone who made the copies and I just made copies of their copies, because I STILL couldn't get the book. Oh well, I guess I'm off to do that now!